Betty ford says i'm here all night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
