ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The uberlube is also flammable
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
