so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
