I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
