Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
