You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
