I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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