There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
