East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
