I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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