Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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