I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
