She is in my trunk
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
