i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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