someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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