he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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