My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
