she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
