they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
