he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
