I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
