3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
