this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
