So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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