Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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