But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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