Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
