um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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