You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize