So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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