halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
