i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
