Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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