Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
