I feel great
I just peed on a car
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize