can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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