if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize