I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
True college students do jello shots in the library
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
