He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
