my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
