hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
