I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
