News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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