I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
