you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize