Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
