I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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