I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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