He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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