Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
