I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
