Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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