he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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