Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
