Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
