what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
