girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
