Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
