so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
