Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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