How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
