Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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