What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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