i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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