Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
