lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
