So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
